Top Gun (1986) Director: Tony Scott

Top Gun is the best movie ever made.

I would like to put forward my argument for this bold statement.

Essentially, Top Gun has all of the ingredients needed to make it THE BEST MOVIE EVER - romance, action, tragedy, 80s power ballads, cheesy dialogue, Kenny Loggins, gratuitous topless male beach volleyball, homoeroticism and the combination of the most electric and caned producers in Hollywood; Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer. It is impossibly perfect.

From the opening air chase, Top Gun grabs you by the seat of your pants and never lets you go. Tom Cruise has also never been better (God, was he handsome when he wasn't into lizard Gods and impregnating Katie Holmes with his demon seed) as Naval aviator Maverick who, with his faithful co-pilot Goose (Anthony Edwards), flies dangerously and writes cheques for his ego that his body can't cash. He gets through to 'Top Gun' Fighter Weapons School and has to compete with the other top pilots to become the best of the best. Coming in the way is sexy instructor Charlie (Kelly McGillis - a lesbian!) and rival Iceman (Val Kilmer)who wears a white towel rather too well.

Top Gun contains one of the most heartbreaking scenes ever committed to celluloid, bar Bambi's Mum getting shot...you may not have seen it so I won't do a spoiler here but it gets me every time. Every bloody time.

The Top Guns then get a chance to go fight for real against those pesky Russians and here is the real 'triumph over adversity' happy ending...hooray for America, kicking some ass!

Can I talk again about all the male sexual bonding and locker room towels? No? Oh, okayyyyy...

It's a thoroughly entertaining rollercoaster ride. There is nothing in it which could even strive to be better. Great Balls of Fire! "Goose you big stud, take me to bed or lose me forever..." They don't make them like this anymore...

5/5 popcorn bites